Partners for Life
The above two videos came from several appearances in Brisbane, Australia, in 1997 on the Women with Vision TV program where Jack was a Relationship Consultant introducing his new business Partners for Life he started up that year to introduce single men and women who desired a Permanent Partnership.
The Twelve Rules For an Equal and Intimate Partnership
1. Don't Assume – Your Task to Ask
We usually imagine the worst instead of the best. Rather than assuming you know what your partner’s behavior means, ask your partner what he/she means.
2. Your Partner Is Not a Thing
Your partner is not a thing or a means to your ends; your partner is a person and an end in him/her self. Your relationship is much more than the trading of sex or wealth. More important are the intimate values beyond social roles – those of trust and affection, freedom and responsibility.
3. Your Partner Is Not a Therapist/Emotional Nurse
Your partner is not a replacement for a mother/father or a therapist. A partnership requires caring adults rather than needy children. Although you should use each other to grow in maturity, to depend on one partner for your emotional “fix” is an a bad habit.
4.Teamwork Makes Love Work
A partnership is not a matter of parallel, independent lives sharing the same space and time for economics or fun – it is about making two lives into one while allowing each their fullest freedom to be who they are. Unilateral decisions divide; dialogue is essential in every area of your relationship to keep you working as a team. Every important action should be considered in the light of its effect on your partner.
5. Give the Four A’s Every Day: Attention, Acceptance, Approval, Affection
Try to give the Four A’s to your partner consistently throughout the day, every day, where possible. Schedule a minimum of 10 minutes near the end of each day for “one-to-one time” in which you specifically practice the four A’s. Each of you has 5 minutes to tell the other anything whatsoever without the listener interrupting with any comment. Only head nodding allowed. When listening you convey the attitude that your partner is the most important value in your world – you try to give full attention, acceptance, approval and affection.
JacKath 1992, California
"From the Love of Wisdom to the Wisdom of Love"
6. Build Common Interests
Learn to develop activities you can do together. Explore and share your curiosity and fantasies to come up with common interests. Have the courage to take on new things for the good of the relationship even if you may not want to do it for yourself.
7. Learn to Be a Better Lover
Lovers are made, not born. Trust enough to ask what pleases your partner and to tell what pleases you.
8. Do Not Play Games
There is no such thing as a “win/win” mental game between lovers – every personal strategy to get a need satisfied less than honestly will end up a “lose/lose” move. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Oneupmanship is one overboard the Relation-Ship, leaving the winner a captain carrying an empty hold of loneliness and no port to land in.
10. Take Risks for More Intimacy
Practice measured intimacy. Slowly learn to risk inviting your partner inside your innermost thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to his/her desire to enter in comfortably. It takes time to develop the trust necessary to explore your partner’s differences as well as similarities.
10. Be Polite
Being familiar with your partner does not mean taking them for granted. You should be even more polite and well mannered to your partner than anyone else.
11. Be Concerned with Loving more than Being Loved
Your partner is the ultimate value in the world, so practice the art of loving rather than worrying about being loved. The mature partner says, because I love you I need you; the immature partner says, because I need you I love you.
12. Last Words Before Sleep, First Words on Waking
"I love you." This may be particularly difficult for men but if practiced will become an acquired treat.
(adapted from The Love Test by Harold Bessell)